Getting Back On Track

26 Aug

How is it SO easy for me to sway from what I really want?

In my wedding planning, I’ve run into people who have made it clear that I’m doing things wrong.
No bridesmaids? bad idea
Wedding outside of a church? why!?
Cutting costs on flowers? you’ll regret it
Spending more on photographer? what a waste

Now, I’ve found myself shaping MY day (and spending our money) on a day that has become some monstrosity that fits someone else’s ideal — not mine.

When I think of a day with 200 people around me, most of whom I won’t even have a chance to talk to, I feel…. sad.

When I think of a day where I’ve invited people to make OTHER people happy — not myself, I feel… disappointed in myself.

Is anyone else feeling this way about their wedding planning?

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2 Responses to “Getting Back On Track”

  1. Sara W September 16, 2008 at 5:09 pm #

    I am SO there right now. At the beginning of this planning process (wedding is May ’09) I didn’t feel constrained by any parameters except my own imagination and when I tried to share my ideas with my mother, my fiance, my motherinlaw to be, matron of honor, etc. They each in turn shot various ideas down. I tried to tell my fiance’s mother that I was going to have my maids each pick their own dress from a color scheme and she literally couldn’t comprehend that I wasn’t going to have a row of identical dresses. She kept asking, “Wait, so all the dresses are the same, but, you’re going to do what?” She just couldn’t get her head around it. I also got flack from the fiance, “I’ve never heard of anyone doing that at their wedding.” I’m like….and what does that have to do with anything? Why do we have to do anything that anyone else has done? Our wedding is whatever we make it. It doesn’t make any difference if all the maids are naked! We’ll still be married at the end! You know?

    But yeah, all kinds of stuff like this are happening. I wanted cupcakes or different cakes on pedestals instead of a big tiered cake. Shot down. Then I capitulated to having the same color of dresses – I wanted yellow. My mother: “YELLOW?!!!!!! That color looks awful on EVERYONE. Oh, NO, Sarah. *disgusted*.” I got to the point where it was easier all the way around to just give in. Then I rebelled and just stopped asking people what their opinion was. My mom crapped on every idea I ever had for my wedding, but didn’t want to be involved if I asked her to help me with an aspect of planning so I just stopped involving her. I had to drag her to bridal shops to help me try on dresses. Her attitude was so disappointing that I sort of lost the spirit of the search for my dream dress and bought the first dress that fit me really well and was sort of pretty. I actually do really like it, but some days I think I should have kept on looking. It’s just not her thing, wedding planning. It’s sad, and it makes more work for me since I now have to do every last thing (fiance does help) instead of trying to include other people.

    One of my maids told me: “Sarah, you’re so creative and I’m really looking forward to seeing how you’re wedding is going to be unique and not like every other boring wedding! So you shouldn’t let people tell you what to do.” I was like, heck yah! Screw em. I’m just going to do what I want. If there’s ever a time when I can do whatever the hell I want, it’s my wedding day, right?! Especially if my fiance and I are footing most of the bill.

    Now, the guest list? It hasn’t gotten out of hand yet, but now that I’ve read about your experience I’m prepared if it does. Prepared to be…. flexible. To a point.

  2. Andrea September 10, 2009 at 3:26 pm #

    I’m going the non-church route too.

    And you should’ve seen the reaction when I told people I wanted to handmake button flowers (like these: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3106/2414352312_afc83118c5.jpg) to use as centerpieces instead of using real flowers. I think it’s a great idea! They’re incredibly cheap, fun to make, and very cute. And after the wedding I can sell them on Etsy and maybe recoup some of the money I spent making them (which wouldn’t be much, anyway). But you’d think I suggested sacrificing a baby pig at the reception or something. But whatever, I’m doing it anyway.

    I’m with Sara W. – I just stopped asking people for their opinions.

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